Teacher Frustration (2-26-08)

Why can't all students just listen when I ask for their attention? Have I not earned their respect at this point? Don't I look at them and listen to them when they're speaking to me?

It's not like everyday is frustrating, but today I found myself particularly annoyed. I watched Eduardo talk over my instructions as he distracted Jordy from listening. "You know you could get three times as much accomplished in our math class if you actually worked at the level you're capable of?" I snapped at Eduardo. Occasionally I just get pissed off watching a kid who's so brilliant waste so much time. How could you not be frustrated? It's not like Earl Woods sat back and watched as his son chose not to practice and improve his game. He coached him. He encouraged him. He worked with him. Why can't Eduardo be more like Tiger?

The most frustrating part of teaching at this moment is that I put all the blame of an unsuccessful class on myself. Who else should take the responsibility? I know we're trying to establish a collaborative learning community, but at the end of the day whether or not students are fully engaged in learning is my job. My mission. I guess I'm just in a bit of a teaching funk. The kids are tiring...they get to you. Armando's inappropriate comments and unprofessional behavior, Carlos' inability to get started with an activity half the time unless I hound him, Jessica's changes in mood, Bonnie's visible disinterest in acquiring an education. Constantly having to be the leading voice, the cheerleader with the megaphone, the rock. It's exhausting. Why am I the hardest working student in my classroom? I already know the most math.

Teaching is such a roller coaster ride. Some times I'm so excited to be in the classroom that i have a smile plastered across my face while other times the ride makes me sick and I feel like throwing up. It's amazing how much you can go through. For anyone who's ever gambled at a blackjack table in Vegas you know exactly what I'm talking about. One minute you want to strangle the dealer for the crap cards he's throwing your way and the next minute you're offering him a steak dinner. How can we move things to a more consistent place? All good, all the time. I'm not sure that's possible. Maybe it's more like Abe Lincoln's quote. Something like "you can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but never all of the people all of the time."

Teaching is a business who's product is people. We're not manufacturing widgets...we're facilitating the development of educated minds. What a task! No wonder it's so volatile.