This morning was one of those mornings that throws you off. It wasn't that I got up on the wrong side of the bed, or that I wasn't prepared to teach. I was running a bit late, but even that wasn't much to overcome. What really knocked me off course was the parent/student meeting that started my day.
Parent involvement in their students' school lives is crucial. There is no question that having an engaged family can most certainly benefit both the individual student and the school community. This positive side of the parent coin is one that I wish was the only side. Unfortunately, there is a negative side to this coin, no matter how infrequently it shows.
The parent this morning was such a negative and intimidating presence in the room that you had to question whether involving her at all was a wise decision. As the student sat with tears running down his face and the parent continued to unleash her intensely negative and degrading rhetoric I found myself feeling more and more uncomfortable. Trying to gain some semblance of productivity, the teachers and I continued to go back to the positives we've been seeing as well as interventions that we believe could be used to support this student in improving. No matter what we said it all went back to the same thing.
The parent didn't say it and it wasn't written anywhere, but all I kept hearing was "you suck...what's wrong with you?" Was it really such a shock to see that this student was floundering at school and has been for years? This is a kid who hasn't "legitimately" passed a class since elementary school and has more disciplinary referrals then there are members of the Senate.
After having a few hours to reflect on the experience and others that I've had in the past of similar caliber I derived a few notions. Here they are in no particular order.
1.) How could this parent not be angry?
- Whether she did it to herself, meaning that the parenting techniques used during the student's childhood led to his current state, or this is just how things turned out after a valiant effort as a mother, it's almost impossible not to see where the anger comes from. If I had a financially inadequate and personally unsatisfying job, lived in a run down house and had one child who was completely failing in his academic endeavors for a series of years I too would be pissed. To stay optimistic and provide constant positive support to that student and to the school would become a nearly impossible task. I don't believe this gives a parent the right to degrade their child in front of their teachers, but it does allow me to empathize with her position.
2.) Parental involvement can be a hindrance to our work
- Parents have a right to know about their child's progress at school and to be involved in their child's life. However, once we engage with certain parents and discover that their presence can at times be more harmful then helpful we must take such knowledge into consideration in future attempts to support that student. So many of our students have heard "negative talk" for so long that simply piling more of it on at the high school level won't do anything to turn things around. The famous study titled "The Early Catastrophe: The 30 Million Word Gap by Age 3" makes a clear note of the differences experienced between children of professional families and those growing up in poverty. According to their study, children being raised by professional families hear an average of 166,000 encouragements compared to 26,000 discouragements over the course of a year. Inversely, children from welfare families will hear an average of 26,000 encouragements versus 57,000 discouragements over that same year. I believe our students have heard enough of the negative. It's time to focus on the positive.
3.) Some of our biggest problems don't have clear solutions
This is obvious, but at the same time needs to be addressed. The student we were dealing with this morning has serious learning deficits in addition to chronic behavior problems and a lack of motivation. Combined, he becomes one of our greatest difficulties when it comes to ensuring that he receives an education that will allow him to thrive in both school and life. Finding solutions to making sure he learns what he needs to be successful from both the academic and character side of the education spectrum is a daunting if not impossible task. However, it is the task that we've chosen to take on and the task in which we must succeed.
This morning was a tough morning. The kind that makes you step back for a second and realize the realities of where you're working and who you're working with. It's scary to think that millions of parents like the one I encountered this morning are raising millions of children across this country. Regardless, it is our job to move past mornings like the one I had and put all of our energy into educating our students. This morning wasn't a new experience for me, but it really does get me each time it happens. Part of you wants to give the student a big hug and another part wants to ream into the parent. When you let your emotions subside you realize that all you can do is work your ass of to make sure you save that student. The parent may be too far gone...the child can be saved.
Math teacher...who said anything about math?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
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